I am known as being a big animal lover. I have had pets all while growing up. I had a special bond with each of my pets. They were members of my family. All of my pets were very tame and very sweet. People have said I have a gift with animals.

When I first got married I made some mistakes. I was a 20 year old bored out of my mind and home alone all day. I had no health insurance or money to see a counselor or a doctor. I was trying to lower my med dose and then tried to get off of my meds on my own. Could not get a job and was not in school.

I flushed some unwanted live fish a few times. I would get pets rehome them and then get new pets an obsessive amount of times. I let some unwanted cats go in a neighborhood. I did not want to those cats to be euthanized at the local pound. I thought I was helping them out in a way even though I knew it was discouraged. I did not want the cats to starve or be run over by a car. I hoped the cats would find a new family. The neighborhood was a good one there was not much traffic a stream was close by and there were many outdoor cats there already. But still it was animal abandonment/neglect.

Figured the fish would die quickly and noone really knows how much pain fish feel. I hoped the cats would find a new home as I said earlier. I did try to go look for the cats found one and took it to a shelter. I realized animal abandonment was very wrong and did the better thing took it to a shelter. I could not find a home for it. The other one I never found after trying to look for it numerous times. I really hope it found a good home.

I did not really realize what I was doing at the time. Surely I was not thinking straight Thinking back on it now I wonder what I was thinking Humans are cruel irresponsible sometimes. I was. I became something I never thought I would be an animal abuser. Now I have never beaten shot stabbed or lit animals on fire. I have never put pets in the microwave participated in dog fights or any other awful similar things. My abuse was passive but still very wrong.

I felt incredible guilt and remorse. Had urges to injure myself. I felt I was just a cruel worthless scum of a person and all other curse words there are. Thought seriously about suicide why did I deserve to live? Felt I did not deserve to enjoy the birds singing outside or watch animal planet anymore one of my favorite channels. Growing up I have always been such a animal lover From all growing up the animal abuse was so out of chartacter for me.

I wondererd why why aunts cat that hates everyone would cuddle and purr on my lap everytime I would go visit. Or why my parents dogs still loved me. Couldnt they sense the awful things I have done? Arent animals supposed to be good judges of character? Why did they still love me I did not deserve their love.

Yeah I was a messed up human being. But what were my options? Stay messed up or change I finally realized I had to forgive myself. I needed to change big time I stopped the bad behavior and started being responsible. I saw a doctor at a free clinic started taking my meds responsibly actually held a job donated to an animal shelter became a better wife and will be going back to college soon. I decided to start small as far as taking care of life went I got two goldfish and developed an interest for plants and flowers.

I promised myself to never flush live fish never abandon/neglect again never to get pets only to rehome and get a new pet.

I am thinking about trying another pet sometime in the future. It will probably be a pet I have already had in the past. I have had so many I really know which ones I want and which ones I never want to own again. I would just need to really commit to it and ask my husband to help perhaps. Or perhaps I should simply stick to fish and plants let other people have pets. I could volunteer at an animal shelter if I wanted to be around animals. But I believe I could take care of a pet responsibly and commit to it. It is my decision. Perhaps I can only know if and when I am ready to try a pet again or not. I am curious on opinions though. So what say you? Yes maybe no or never to another pet. You can say why you think so that would be particularly helpful in helping me decide. Thank you very much.

Oh. I am also thinking about my future children. Should every child have the opportunity to have a pet? I would want to teach my children how to take care of pets the right way. I do not want them to make the same mistakes I did regarding animal abuse